When A Heart Breaks
by flying greek
Summary: ""Roxas..." Sora has been through this with his brother so many times. When will he understand?" A growing up story about a boy, his autistic younger brother and their life together. All events and conversations based on real events and conversations.
1. Chapter 1

His desk is covered in papers on top of textbooks on top of a few candy wrappers. There is a notebook in his lap, a picture of Batman on the cover. In this notebook are math problems; homework due in class the next day. He knows he is rushing, but he wants to be done already so he can watch television. He snatches up his calculator from the desk and solves the problems the easy way. He can always check them in homeroom the next day.

The door opens, shedding bright light into Sora's softly lit bedroom. Sora turns in his desk chair, a curious look on his face. He hears tongue clucking and already knows who is standing there. "Roxas?" he asks his brother, who is younger by two years. "Roxas?" he tries again when he does not get a response. Then Roxas moves, walking over to Sora's desk. Then he moves around the room, checking all over for something while he clucks his tongue.

Sora sets his homework on his desk and stands. He walks over to Roxas, and tries to catch his attention again. "Roxas? What are you looking for?" His brother does not respond, so he uses sign language to ask what he wants. He gets an answer: pig.

"Roxas…" Sora has been through this with his brother so many times. When will he understand? "You broke the pig, remember?" _Pig broken_, he signs to his brother, only to receive a confused look, and more tongue clucking. _Pig broken, broken pig_. But Roxas still does not understand, and Sora feels uneasy. When he goes through this with Roxas – when he explains that what he breaks is thrown away – Roxas gets aggressive. Sora can see the signs now: his eyes are distant and wandering, and his body language is tense.

Sora moves before Roxas can raise his fist. He runs to his desk and rummages through the top drawer, frantically searching, pleading with God that there is something that can help him. And then his hand hits what he is looking for, a whole candy bar. "Yes!" he whispers, and turns around to his brother. _Candy eat, eat candy_, Sora signs to him. Roxas never says no to candy.

And it works. Aggression forgotten, Roxas walks over and grabs the candy bar. His tongue clucks again as he unwraps it, and bites off a huge chunk. Meanwhile, adrenaline is rushing through Sora. He escaped a fight this time, but he is still jumpy. His hand ghosts over his arm, over recent, scabbing scratches that stretch down his arm. Nothing to worry about now.

Roxas consumes the candy bar in no time, and holds the wrapper out for Sora to take. And Sora takes it, turns around and drops it into the trash can by his desk. He is glad he keeps them in his desk for special occasions; they are life savers.

The clock on the desk by his bed reads nine o'clock. So late already? Sora cannot believe it; maybe he will finish his math homework later. For now, Roxas needs to go to bed. _Sleep_, Sora signs to his brother, whose eyebrows furrow when he signs _sleep_ back to him. Then Roxas turns and runs out of the room and into his own, and jumps on the head. The noise he makes in bed sounds almost like a growling lion. Sora finds it endearing. What is not endearing is the fact that Roxas is half-lying on his bed sheets, and is making it harder for Sora to tuck him in.

But Sora gets him tucked in, and pokes him in the sides and his neck for tickles. Roxas laughs, pushes at his arms and his body when his brother gets close enough. When Sora is finished and begins to leave, Roxas calls out for his attention with a, "Uh!" and points at his closet. The door is open just a little bit, so Sora closes it, and Roxas settles down again.

"Night," Sora says before he flips the light switch down. He does not expect a response; he has never gotten one, and he never will.


	2. Chapter 2

It's Friday night, and Sora and Roxas' parents are leaving for the misses' work party. Roxas pays no attention, too captivated with a toy fire engine that he's had for years. Sora says, have a nice time, see you when you get home, and closes the door when they get in his mother's car. He locks the door, and turns to walk into the room where Roxas is sitting.

Roxas doesn't put the fire engine down on the floor and press the buttons. He likes to hold the toy up to his ear and listen to the noises. Sora has tried so many times to get him to understand that the point of playing with it is to make it go on a hard floor, but Roxas doesn't understand. He will never understand, and it frustrates Sora more and more every day.

"_I could have gone out with my friends," _he thinks. _"We could be eating pizza right now."_

At twelve years of age, Sora is more mature than anyone else in his middle school. Every day after school, he goes home so he can get his brother off of his bus, and watch him until his parents come home. Sora tries, but he can't remember a time when he wasn't expected to take care of his brother. And the youngest, Ventus, is no help either. Sora can hear him now; there is loud music playing on the second floor, and he can hear his youngest sibling pouring his everything into lyrics he knows by heart.

Between Ventus singing and Roxas pushing one button on his toy over and over again, Sora doesn't know how much more he can take.

But Sora takes it extremely well, considering it's all he's ever known. He settles in for the night with a blanket and a television show about animals in Africa. Half an hour later, after the woman narrating the documentary moves on to hyenas, Roxas walks into the room with a funny look on his face. Sora pulls the blanket off of him and stands up, afraid that something bit his brother or he did something he wasn't supposed to. But all Roxas does is raise his hands in the air, and brings them down rapidly, over and over.

_Shower_, it means. _Shower, shower._

Sora jumps into action. He jogs over to the closet, where a container of plastic bags from grocery stores is hanging, and pulls one out. Then he grabs Roxas' wrist, because Roxas doesn't hold hands and his grip is always loose, and it's easier just to pull him along by his wrist. He takes his brother all the way upstairs to the shower, turns on the lights and the fan and begins to strip Roxas. His socks come first, then his shirt and finally his pants. Before helping Roxas with his diaper, which Sora knows he has pooped in, he makes sure he has disposable wipes before he does anything. He saps the sides of the diaper so that it comes out between Roxas' legs easily, and then he drops it into the bag. But Sora's work is not over, because now he has to wipe his brother clean before he can resume his shower.

It takes a few minutes, and a little ewing, before Roxas is free to enter the shower. Sora leaves the bathroom only long enough to throw the bag into the garbage can outside and wash his hands. Only then does he wash his brother's hair and scrub his body clean. Following that, Sora dries his brother off and dresses him: diaper, pajama pants, pajama shirt. Roxas runs downstairs, back to his toy, and Sora sits down to catch the last few minutes of the African animals special. Sora wishes Roxas could shower himself.

Sora's night is far from over. He gets up to check on his brother, over and over and over, all night. Roxas moves from one place in the fun room to the other, listening to his truck while watching Disney's Peter Pan play over and over. Sora knows the movie by heart, and can recite it, but not tonight. Tonight, he's too busy looking after his brother to pay attention to anything outside of Roxas.

Not only does he look to see what his brother is doing, but he checks his diaper. Roxas is in the clear for a little while, but he can't control his bladder very well and ends up wetting the diaper. So Sora replaces it. Roxas wets it again, and Sora replaces it again. It is a process Sora knows well, and he doesn't mind doing it, but he would like it if Roxas would learn to use the toilet.

Around eight o'clock, Sora prepares Roxas' medicine. He prepares a frozen waffle, and sprinkles what is in the capsules on top of pre-cut pieces. He then feeds these pieces to Roxas, and fills his cup of milk so he has something to drink. Sora wishes Roxas could fill his cup with milk on his own.

At nine o'clock, Roxas is in the room again, this time with his hands together over his shoulder. It's his way of signing to his brother, _Sleep, sleep._ While Sora is upstairs tucking Roxas in, and walking around the room to show his brother that his closet and all of his drawers are as closed as they'll ever be, Ventus takes control of the television. Sora is mad at first, but he can't stay mad forever, because Roxas is signing, _Come here, tickle me_, and he can't say no. Roxas is not an affectionate boy, and he doesn't usually like being touched, but he likes to be tickled before bed. Sora is more than glad to tickle him.

Roxas giggles, laughs and snorts as Sora pokes his fingers into his sides and his neck, and tickles his legs and his stomach. Sora laughs too, and dodges Roxas' legs as they kick, the tickling too much for poor Roxas. Sora keeps going until Roxas is breathless, and lets him catch his breath before he turns off all the lights and closes his brother's bedroom door.

Their parents return later, sometime between twelve and one, to see Sora just barely awake and trying to watch the Africa special he missed earlier. His father walks in, takes one look at the room Roxas was in, and goes, "It's a bit of a mess down there. Why don't you ever clean up after him?" Sora sits up, slaps himself in the face a little, and apologizes to his parents as he passes them. He enters Roxas' play room to clean up his brother's mess: toys go in the box, magazines go in Roxas' magazine bag, and any food left behind and his milk cup come up for cleaning. All the while, Sora listens to his father talk about him being lazy and not watching his brother like he is supposed to.

It hurts, because Sora knows other kids don't have to go through this. Sora knows none of his friends have to wipe their ten-year-old brother's butt, or shower and dress himm or feed him and make sure he's had his medicine. He knows his friends' lives don't revolve around any autistic sibling's life, because they don't have an autistic sibling. They have normal siblings, if they have any at all.

Sora wishes his brother was normal.

Sora's wishes never come true.


	3. Chapter 3

Sora tugs on loose threads from the couch he is sitting on. His mother sits beside him, dressed nicely for work, and speaks to the woman in the chair on the other side of the small room. They are in a doctor's office, a special sort of doctor, and they are discussing Sora. Only, Sora is not part of the discussion. He has his eyes trained on his shoes, and he does not participate.

Sora listens to the things his mother tells his new doctor. His brother is physically abusive, and hurts him. He has no friends at school, and his peers tease him. His grades have dropped, and his attention in class wanders. He is distant, fatigued and spends time not spent at school or with family in bed.

He feels bad. He should have pushed himself more; he should have made more friends. But how could he be friends with people who were so mean? He should have gone outside more. But he is so tired all the time that he skips dinner to stay in bed to avoid walking down the steps.

Medication, the doctor says. Sora is young; he is twelve years old and only in sixth grade, but he is very depressed. Medication will help. He will feel odd the first few days, but medication will help with everything. Sora does not want medication, his thought process being only people who are crazy need medication. He's not crazy, he's just… done.

Done with people. Done with school. Done with family. Done with his brother. Done with life.

He wishes it would all just end.

The doctor hands his mother a prescription, and they exchange a few more words before his mother says it's time to go. Sora releases the loose threads and stands beside his mother. He avoids looking the doctor in the eye, and stares at his mother instead. She looks sad and stressed, and he feels guilt slam into his gut. It's all his fault. He's a terrible son. Look at what he's done to his mother.

He follows his mother to the window where she makes her payment, and then to the car when she is finished. She gets in without a word and so does he; he avoids looking at her like he avoided looking at the doctor.

The next morning, Sora stands in the kitchen with a pill bottle in his hand. The bottle is orange, and its cap is white, and on the side it says his name and other, more useless information. Medication. It will help. Sora is scared; what if it makes things worse? But how low can Sora go? He already wants everything to end. He's experienced an overdose already, without his family knowing, so he knows exactly what to do if the medicine makes him sick.

"Take your medicine," his mother tells him while she is passing the kitchen on the way to the laundry room. Sora looks at the bottle in his hands, and then out the window.

And he prays this will work.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

Thank you to everyone who has read this so far. I didn't think anyone would find this interesting. Two chapters this week because I posted last week's chapter late. I had to post this one early, I couldn't help myself.

* * *

Sora's grades rise like his mood. His attention in class is better than it has been all day. Sora speaks more, participates more; makes a few friends here and there. He is by no means popular, but he is known throughout the school as kind and loving, just hidden in the jungle that is school. He finds his interests interesting again, and likes to talk about them with his friends. He spends more time with his family, and makes them laugh with his silly jokes.

As Sora gets better, Roxas gets worse. Roxas, alongside Sora, is growing in all directions. Roxas grows taller, now at Sora's height when he was twelve. Sora, who is now fourteen, graduating eighth grade, and going to a nice private high school, can do nothing as he watches Roxas grow stronger every day. Roxas is thin but muscular, and his punches hurt more than they used to. One day, he thinks, Roxas is going to overpower him, and he will only be able to watch.

One day, Roxas snaps.

Sora doesn't know why. The day is nice, sunny yet cool like spring is. Roxas has a good morning, playing and watching movies, and a calm afternoon. It's evening when he comes to Sora, sitting in the living room watching television, with an odd look in his eyes. Sora recognizes that look, says out loud, "What's wrong?" and then signs, _What do you want?_ Roxas' eyes wander to his left, where there is a large red candle in a glass container. It is made up of two parts, a bottom and a curved cylinder part, which is easy to lift up. And smash on the glass covering the table.

It breaks into little pieces before Sora is even up on his feet. To protect his brother from hurting himself, he picks him up and carries him to his play room. There is glass in his feet, and he is bleeding, but it doesn't register. He is too worried about taking care of his brother, who looks at him with unfocused eyes.

Sora has been through this before, and knows exactly what to do. He goes to the closet, pulls a plastic bag from the container hanging in there, and picks up pieces of glass. They sometimes cut his fingers and hands, and he gets small shards of glass in his palms, but it's a small price to pay. And he deserves it, really, because Roxas broke it right before him, while he should have been watching him.

When Sora is finished picking up as many pieces as he can, he brings in the big guns for the smaller fragments: a heavy duty vacuum, lovingly dubbed Kirby. It sucks up what glass is left behind with no problem, and is returned to his place in the closet where the plastic bags are kept. Only then, Sora begins to pick out the glass in his hands and his feet. It is a rough process because he does not like the sight of blood, and his own blood grosses him out. But he has to take care of it, and take care of it he does. And then he cleans up blood on carpets and hard wood, and disposes of everything in the trash can outside.

When he comes back in and checks on Roxas, his brother is sitting in his favorite chair in the playroom, staring into space. Sora feels… strange. There is an alien feeling in his chest. He feels his eyes burn, as if he is going to cry. His throat tightens, and he can barely breathe. He has to walk away, sit down and relax himself before he can address his brother's behavior.

He doesn't get to, because he hears the garage door opening. Then the doorknob twists, and his mother and his youngest brother Ven walk in with bags of groceries. A little while later, his father walks in with the last of the bags, and asks how Roxas has been. Sora tells him the news, tells him what happens, and is surprised by his father's reaction. Even though he shouldn't be.

"You should have been watching him!" Sora's father scolds him, his anger clear as the glass his son shattered. Sora argues, says he was, he was, Roxas is just so quick and I couldn't—

"All I asked is that you watch Roxas, and you can't even do that! You can't follow one simple direction! It's not that hard, Sora! It's not that hard!"

So Sora stands there, and listens to his father as he tells him how lazy he is, how unhelpful he is. Sora can't do one simple task correctly. He can't even watch his brother. At least he can clean up after the mess, though. That is one good thing about him. Sora's hands and feet hurt while he listens, and he feels the tightness in his throat again. His eyes are burning again. His father leaves him alone, long enough for Sora to come face to face with Roxas again.

Roxas, who doesn't understand anything. Roxas, who has no idea that Sora is in pain. Roxas, who is the source of all of Sora's suffering.

Roxas, Roxas, Roxas.

"I hate you," Sora gasps, quiet enough for no one but Roxas to hear. "I hate you so much," he says again, the burn in his eyes getting worse. And then the tears begin, and he can barely see Roxas because his eyesight is blurry and his eyes hurt. He can barely breathe again. Sora knows he needs to walk away, needs to go somewhere else to calm himself down so he doesn't embarrass himself in front of his family.

"I hate you so much, sometimes I wish you would die."

"SORA!"

He should have known. He should have heard his mother behind him. But he hadn't, and now he's in trouble. In trouble for sharing his feelings. In trouble for hating his brother. In trouble for wishing death on someone else.

Sora can't stop crying. The tears keep coming and coming. His mother, who was angry before at hearing her son's words, can't be angry at him anymore. She sees years of pain, physical and emotional, pouring out in the form of his tears. How she wishes those tears would heal the scars on her son's arms and hands, and the cuts on his palms and feet that she later hears about. How she wishes Roxas would learn to love Sora as much as Sora loves him. How she wishes her husband would recognize Sora's suffering.

But she already knows Sora is doomed.


	5. Chapter 5

Sora enjoys his first two years of high school, having a blast making new friends and getting to know everyone. By the end of his second year, he's friends with just about everyone (there are always those few students who hate other people for the sake of hating other people), and enjoying life. Sophomore year final exams come and go, and it's already summer vacation for Sora and his younger brothers.

Ven, now twelve years old, is upstairs singing along with his music. He is oblivious of Sora's pain, a pain Sora himself is not even aware of. Sora is in the living room again, and the Discovery Channel is playing on the television. Sora, however, is not paying attention to the show; his eyes are following the lines of a book in his hands. He doesn't read often, but he finds a book every now and then that interests him, so he reads it.

After reading for fifteen minutes, Sora marks his spot and moves to his brother's play room. Roxas is asleep on the couch, facing his television. It's a miracle in Sora's eyes; Roxas has so much energy that he never takes naps. He moves closer, steps over toys on the floor, and checks his brother's diaper. Roxas stirs and looks up at him with hazy eyes, then rolls over onto his side and goes back to sleep. Sora is relieved that his brother is dry, and will stay quiet and out of trouble for a little while longer.

Sora returns to his book in the living room after grabbing a glass of orange juice. He sits, sips his juice and searches the page before he finds where he last left off. He continues reading until his parents get home, when he marks the page he left off at and closes the book again. Ven is upstairs, quiet now probably from a nap, so Sora is the only one awake. He greets his parents, and wakes up Roxas as his parents ask him to. Roxas doesn't want to wake up, and rolls over one more time. Sora shakes him, calmly telling him to wake up, but his gentleness is lost on Roxas. Roxas doesn't want to get up, but he sits up anyway, and pushes Sora away.

Sora is not expecting the shove, and stumbles backward. He stays on his feet, but he is still shocked that Roxas has enough energy even while groggy to bully him around. Sora is nothing if not determined, so he goes back to shaking Roxas awake. This time, things get serious, as Roxas pinches and scratches at Sora's hands and arms to make him go away. His older brother starts pulling on his arm to make him get up, and Roxas fights harder and harder, his nails digging deeper and deeper into his brother's skin.

And then Roxas is on his feet, advancing on Sora quickly, with a look in his eyes. The punching and hitting begins; Sora dodges some hits and takes others. He hears his mother run and stop in the doorway, watching one son beat up the other. Sora can't take it; he can't take the abuse, and he can't believe his mother is just watching it.

It happens before Sora has a chance to think. The left side of Roxas' face is red and swelling, and he looks so startled. He looks at Sora then scrunches up his face, in pain and still upset. He attacks Sora again, but Sora pushes him onto the couch. Sora can hear his mother screaming, "SORA, SORA!" but he doesn't care. He's so sick of caring about what Roxas wants and what Roxas needs, and he hates that he can't fight for himself or defend himself against these attacks. There is blood on his arms and hands, and his body hurts from taking Roxas' beating.

His mother passes him to tend to Roxas' needs. Sora isn't forgotten, no, he is in a lot of trouble. He feels the trouble a few seconds later, after his mother has smacked him harder than he hit Roxas. Sora's eyes water; not only does his brother hate him enough to attack him, but his mother is in on it, too.

Sora doesn't leave his room the rest of the day. He's embarrassed. He hit Roxas. As the big brother, he's supposed to protect Roxas. How can he protect Roxas when he can't keep himself from hitting back?

If his mother apologizes, it doesn't register with Sora. Since the first beating Sora ever suffered, his brain has been suppressing memories and feelings. He is numb emotionally, and his brain shuts down.

What Sora doesn't know is the trauma is far from over.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note:

Surprise love interest. :)

* * *

His arms hurt; there are Band-Aids on fresh cuts, and there are forming bruises, but the pain is far from his mind. There is a hand in his hair, rubbing his scalp in circles, relaxing him after a frustrating day with Roxas. He should go home, Sora thinks, because his parents will worry. They're supposed to go on a weekend trip to the beach, a three-hour drive in a giant SUV that is still cramped with five people. He'll sit in one of the two middle seats and look out the window while Roxas leans up to tap him on the shoulder and laugh. Every time he does, Sora will look back, pretend to be angry and poke his brother in the ribs to make him laugh.

But he would rather stay here, his head in someone else's lap, and that someone's hand playing with his hair. Sora is drifting, slowly jumping the wall between asleep and awake when the someone clears his throat. Sora doesn't respond, so he has to clear his throat a second time before Sora opens his eyes and looks up at him.

"What?" he asks, impatient and tired.

"You staying here tonight? You can if you want. I, uh," he says, glancing at the Band-Aids on Sora, "I know you went through some stuff again, so you're welcome to stay."

Sora hums, makes eye contact and sighs. "I shouldn't. Everyone wants to go to the beach, and we always go on Friday nights. And they need me. You know Ven doesn't help with—"

"Why can't he?" Sora can't tell if he's angry or just frustrated. "You do a lot for your brother, so why can't he take over for a little while? Why do you always have to take care of him?"

Sora can't believe this is happening. Not now, not after what happened today, and not about his brother. "Axel, I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to take care of him. It's what big brothers do!"

"No, it's not!" Axel is definitely angry, and it makes Sora nervous, because any anger directed at him is usually followed by a beating. He should know better, though, because Axel has never hurt him and Axel promised he would never hurt him. "Look at yourself, Sora. Get a good look." He took Sora's hands in his, and lifted his arms to show the younger male.

"This shouldn't be happening to you."

Sora feels like he might cry. His arms, covered in scars from scratches past, and bruised and beat up again from the recent battle with Roxas, have always haunted him. It's personal, painful, and he doesn't like his physical abuse being brought up so casually. He's used to suppressing it, and forgetting it ever happened. Now Axel wants to address it, he wants to talk about it, and it's making Sora sick.

"Please, not now."

Sora sounds so defeated that Axel knows he shouldn't push, even though he really wants to. He just holds Sora's hands and rubs his thumbs along his knuckles to calm him again. Sora doesn't cry and he doesn't shake; he doesn't whimper or speak with a stutter. He doesn't do anything except breathe.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

And after a moment, "I should go."

Sora slowly climbs to his feet, more exhausted than when he had ran straight to Axel's after his confrontation with Roxas. Before he can move to the door, Axel stands and grabs his arm. It spooks Sora but he doesn't show it when he turns around. Axel leaves a kiss on his forehead.

"Have fun."

Sora smiles. "I will." He doesn't give Axel a kiss. This relationship is too new to him, and he's too innocent, too awkward to do much past cuddle on the couch. Axel understands and exercises extreme patience. "I'll text you, okay?"

Axel nods and walks his friend? boyfriend? to the door and sees him off.

Sora returns home, happy to find that his mother is still packing for the trip and his father isn't home yet. He does some last minute packing, grabbing his hairbrush and other little hygienic things, before he takes his bag downstairs to wait with Ven's. His mother packs Roxas' things in with hers, so her bag is larger and heavier, so Sora carries it down for her. When his father comes home, they all pack the car, pile in and begin the long journey to the seaside. Sora looks out the window, Roxas swats him on the shoulder, so he retaliates with a poke. This happens, over and over, despite the fight earlier that day.

When everyone is settled at the beach and Sora is about to sleep, he texts Axel a good night. Axel responds with "good night, sweet dreams" and that makes Sora smile. One day, he hopes, they'll also say, "I love you."


	7. Chapter 7

Apologies for the late update; got a lot on my plate at the moment. Somehow found the energy to get this out! :)

* * *

Sora sits at the table, math textbook open, with a mechanical pencil in his hand. He taps his cheek with the eraser as he wonders what the next step is, what he's supposed to do next. On the tenth tap, the doorbell rings. Ven won't get it, he'd rather stay in his room doing whatever it is he does up there, so Sora grabs his house key and unlocks it himself.

"Hey, kiddo!" the cheery man on the other side of the door says as he steps into the house. Sora says hi back, closes and locks the door, and walks with him down the hall and to the kitchen. The boy sits at the table again, while the man, his brother's babysitter, has a quick chat with him before his brother's bus arrives.

The man's name is Demyx, and he looks after Roxas about every day when he gets home. Demyx is paid by the state, not Sora's parents, so the family doesn't have to worry about spending more money. Demyx is a kind and loving, nurturing type, and prefers to have kids that aren't aggressive or violent. That isn't to say that Demyx is a coward, no, he's just laid back.

"How was school?" he asks, no idea that Sora is doing homework.

"Same old stuff, I guess." Sora moves the mechanical pencil around in his hands. School is school; he and his friends goof off, laugh and have fun. School is one of the only places he feels free. When Sora goes to school, he feels as if the chains around his wrists and ankles are released. Though he's only at school for seven hours, the feeling of freedom is a feeling he never wants to lose. "I don't have as much homework."

Demyx sounds excited when he responds. He always sounds excited. "Sounds pretty great. You got a lot tonight? I was gonna take Roxas to get something to eat, wanna come along?"

Sora hesitated. It's a school night, but it's not like Demyx is going to keep him out forever. Besides, it's only four in the afternoon, and they'll be out an hour tops. But he wants to finish his homework as soon as possible so he can goof off the rest of the night on his computer. "Uh, sure."

"Cool beans! Go ask Ven if he wants to come."

When Sora asks his brother, Ven says no, he doesn't want to go, and immediately closes the door. Sora is stunned for a moment, not used to having a door almost slammed in his face, but recovers quickly. He makes sure he finishes all of his math problems by the time Roxas is home. Roxas is forced to crawl into the back of the car while Sora takes the passenger seat. It's cool; Roxas is probably safer in the back anyway. No one needs to help him put on his seatbelt, he does it himself.

What they're getting is chicken; Sora chooses the little pieces and so does Roxas, while Demyx takes a bite of a chicken sandwich. Roxas eats the fries first, then the chicken, while Sora alternates. Sora also nibbles off the crusty outside of the chicken before eating the rest of it.

It's during this time that Sora gets to look at Demyx. He's young, cute, witty and charming. He's light on his feet and can dodge a punch, but doesn't have much muscle, which is why Sora does most of the holds when Roxas has a meltdown. Demyx loves this outing, too; he's become attached to Roxas, and Roxas responds well to Demyx too. It must be, Sora thinks, because Demyx is a constant in Roxas' life. As Roxas improves, his classes and classrooms change. It causes a sort of unbalance in Roxas, and he can become moody, but Demyx is consistent. Demyx is always there.

Sora feels jealousy.

Soon it's time to go home, so Sora throws away Roxas' trash for him and then wipes his hands with some napkins. He trashes those too, and follows the pair to the car. Again Roxas is in the back, buckling himself in, and Sora takes the passenger seat. It's a quick ride home, and once they're home again, Roxas bounds to his playroom. Sora's mother is home early, but didn't touch his books. He's glad, because he's going right back to work.

Demyx and Sora's mother converse, about their lives, about Roxas, about news, about everything they can think about that day. Sora listens in and out as he reads a long chapter in his history book about American history. It's boring, he thinks; America isn't very exciting, not like the other countries in the world. He thinks Australia's history must be more interesting than America's history. So boring!

Ven finally comes downstairs, dressed in completely different clothing, and catches crap from his mother. "That's more laundry I need to do. What's wrong with the clothes you put on earlier!"

"I just wanted to change," Ven says, and peels a banana. Sora thought about eating that banana earlier, but it's probably going to better use in Ven's body. Sora doesn't know why he thinks that way, he just does.

Their mother asks about school and how their days were. Sora says it was good, thinks about telling her what happened in the cafeteria that day, but is overtaken by Ven. He's so excited to tell his tale that he cuts Sora off. Neither Demyx nor their mother notice, and Sora figures it's better. He can focus on his homework again instead of the conversation everyone is having.

Finally the kitchen table gets too noisy, so Sora moves to the computer room where he can read in peace. It's nice in there; the door closes out a lot of noise and creates a serene space. He thinks about middle school, and how he used to listen to the radio while he did his music in here. Now he can barely stand the radio; it's the same handful of songs over and over between five to six minutes of repeated messages. He didn't want to buy a Honda or a Chevy or whatever; he just wants to listen to some good music!

Which is why Sora turned away from the "mix" channels and listens mostly to an 80s channel. He likes 80s music.

Sora's father comes home a little while later, and then Demyx takes his leave. He says goodbye, I'll be back tomorrow, and closes the door himself this time. Sora's father locks it this time instead of Sora, then gives individual greetings to the family. Then Ven is off again, spouting his tale to their father, who doesn't appear interested. Ven is always involved in some drama, and though he claims to be innocent, his mother knew better. Ven could get mouthy in certain situations, and that caused problems.

"Can you put Roxas to bed?" Sora's father asks. Sora didn't know his father had walked in, but he says yes, he's just about done his notes anyway. When asked to sleep, Roxas took off to his bedroom, leaving Sora to clean up after him. Boxes of cereal, crackers, cookies, his cereal bowl and his cup… Toys on the floor. All of it. Luckily, Sora's done it so many times that he knows the quickest way to get the room clean.

Roxas is easy to tuck in at night. He tucks his feet under the covers at the foot of his bed, and waits to be tucked in for the night. Sora does just that. No tickling this time; Roxas seems too tired for goofing around and Sora's not in a playful mood anyway. He's in a thoughtful one. As he tucks his little brother in, he thinks to himself, "This was a good day. I want more."

Demyx comes the next day. And the next. And the day after that. Roxas is happy. He is content. He is irritated.

Then he snaps.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for taking so long! I had a lot of stuff going on! Transferring to a new college, my birthday... Life! Anyway, here is a new chapter.

* * *

There is blood all over Roxas' face, his shirt and the floor. It's practically gushing from his nose as he lies on the ground thrashing, pinned under his older brother's body. Sora is holding on for dear life, unable to dodge slaps and kicks and scratches. His brother has a sinus infection, made obvious by the nose bleed, and sinus infections make Roxas grumpy for at least a week. It was inevitable, Sora supposes, and continues holding his brother down, a struggle as Roxas breaks free several times to bash his own head into the floor.

Demyx is doing everything he can think of while Sora holds the younger boy down. He gets medicine and forces it into Roxas' mouth, and makes sure he swallows it. When he looks at Sora, sees the blood on his clothes and his arms, mixing with blood from fresh scratches, he knows he has to do something. Demyx forces himself on Roxas' legs, rendering his bottom half immobile. Sora takes control of his top half and pins his arms while still holding his brother's head above the floor. Roxas sinks his teeth into Sora's shoulder, through his shirt and to the skin beneath. It should hurt, but there is too much adrenaline in Sora's body to feel anything other than concern for his brother's safety.

Ven is there, watching, unsure of what to do. He's the youngest, the baby; he doesn't know what to do with Roxas. He watches Demyx and his brother fight to keep Roxas down while still keeping him safe, and feels sick. Roxas and Sora are both splattered with blood all over their fronts, and the blood keeps coming as Roxas becomes more hysterical and his heart pumps faster. As help, he grabs a large, plush pillow to shove under Roxas' head to prevent more head bashing, and Sora thanks him for that. Then, as instructed by Demyx, he calls his mother.

An hour and a half later, Sora's mother and father are there to help with Roxas. He's upset and in pain, so they give him his antibiotic and something to help relieve some of the pressure. Then they push special cream up his nose to stop the bleeding, give him a shower and put him to bed.

Sora is at the kitchen sink, scrubbing blood off his skin while trying to avoid his cuts. They sting and throb, and they'll take weeks to heal, but such is life. Demyx is there, mostly bloodless and very concerned.

"You okay? You want me to wrap those up?"

Sora looks at him with eyes so full of emotion that Demyx just stares. _"I hate him. I hate him. It hurts. I want him to die. I hate him. I want to kill him. I hate him. I love him. I hate him."_

Sora smiles. "I'm okay," he says, though his voice betrays him at the end. No tears, he reminds himself; no use crying, it won't make his arms stop hurting. He dries his arms and his face, then applies Neosporin to each and every cut on his body. Demyx leaves eventually, after the blood on the floor is cleaned up. Sora's father makes a joke to lighten the mood, and everyone laughs. It's all they can do to stay sane.

Later that night, Sora sits in bed with the television on the Weather Channel. Its blue colors and jazz music calms him and allows him to relax. He's relaxed for approximately fifteen minutes before his phone rings, making him sigh. He really doesn't want to talk to anyone.

"Hey Babe," Axel greets him. Sora can tell he's grinning.

"What do you want?" Sora says, and laughs. Axel, always able to tell when Sora is joking, laughs too.

"Just wanted to say hi. You haven't texted me the last… week, maybe. You get busy?"

Sora is ready to answer, mouth open, but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth, chews on his bottom lip enough to pull a little skin off, then speaks.

"Roxas hurt me today."

The story comes pouring out, and before either of them know it, the line is silent. Sora is embarrassed and a little ashamed of himself for making Axel worry about him. It's not that bad, he's lived with it this long. He should be able to keep calm.

Axel finally says to him, "Come over tomorrow, okay? After school, obviously. Bring your homework."

On the other side of the line, Sora is crying. Axel doesn't know until Sora sniffs, and then he's telling him it's okay, he can cry if he needs to, sometimes you need to let your emotions loose. Sora cries for three minutes before he calms himself down long enough to thank Axel.

"Don't worry about it. Just come over tomorrow. Do your homework here. Stay for dinner if you want. I'm worried about you."

After wiping the tears from his face, Sora replies, "Okay. I'll bring cookies."


	9. Chapter 9

Updates will be slower than before. School started up so I'm always busy. Here's a short chapter while I brainstorm for the next! I could use some peanut butter cup ice cream right now...

* * *

Friends are… odd. After spending most of his life looking after Roxas and Ven, Sora is socially awkward. He still doesn't know how to react to text messages not from Axel or his brother or Demyx, even after years of having friends, but he likes the feeling he gets when someone is thinking about him.

He especially loves this, hanging out with Riku and Kairi. He's on one end and Riku is on the other, with Kairi in between, as the three of them walk down the street talking about school and laugh at jokes about their teachers. Kairi points out a store that caters to girls, full of cheap plastic jewelry, and begs them to go in with her. Riku doesn't want to, too eager to see the movie they have planned. He hates missing previews. Sora doesn't mind and follows right behind her.

Kairi isn't planning on buying anything, so they aren't in the store long. She checks out earrings ("Look, the pandas are so cute!") and necklaces and hair things, and then tells the boys that she's ready to leave. They walk again, down the street to the theater where they purchase their tickets and walk to number three. Sora never buys any food, and Kairi snuck in some snacks and water. Riku already ate.

The movie is some animated child's movie, courtesy of Sora (he loves those movies) and they leave the theater quickly. Riku runs into some friends of his from first grade and they chat while Sora and Kairi look at posters of upcoming movies. Kairi is all about movies, and talks about each one on the wall. Sora does his best to listen, but can barely hear anything above his happiness. He's out of the house, with his best friends Kairi and Riku. He has people who care about him, who aren't related to him by blood. It makes him happy, happy enough to smile, and Kairi notices.

"Hey, what are you so smiley about all of a sudden?"

"Huh? Uhhh." Sora laughs. "Nothing! Just thinking how funny this movie probably is."

Hours later, before they say goodbye and head to their homes, they sit in a coffee shop. Riku and Kairi have their special coffee orders, while Sora sips his hot chocolate. Coffee is too bitter for him no matter what's mixed into it, so he prefers hot chocolate with little marshmallows floating at the top. They're chatting again, this time calmly, about whatever comes to mind. Every now and then Riku says something smart, and the three of them laugh. Kairi's pocket buzzes, and she gasps when she sees the time and the text.

"Oh no, I forgot about curfew!"

"Curfew? Kairi, it's only seven." Riku doesn't have a curfew, but he also has a great GPA and possibly a sweet college scholarship thanks to his sports. Good for him.

"My dad wanted me home at a decent time because we're getting up early to see my uncle and cousins. I can't believe I forgot! I hope he's not mad!"

Their little adventure is cut short by this. Riku has practice the next day anyway, and needs a good night of sleep to keep going the next day. Sora doesn't have anything planned, but he already knows what his day is going to be like. Grocery shopping, watching his brother and cleaning the house. He doesn't want to go home, wants to spend more time with Riku and Kairi, but he knows he must. They say goodbye, promise to text each other tomorrow and separate.

When Sora gets home, he is overcome by a sense of doom. It's normal these days, and most of the time he's able to ignore it. Not tonight, though. He suspects something bad has happened, and braces himself for the inevitable.

Nothing bad happened. Roxas is in bed upstairs, asleep, and his parents are in the living room watching television. His mother asks about his day, how the movie was and how Riku and Kairi are doing. Sora says his day was normal, the movie was really funny and Riku and Kairi are doing well. Riku's got practice and Kairi is visiting family. His father makes a comment along the lines of, "Why don't you do anything?" but Sora ignores it. He's not in the mood for it tonight, and he knows his father isn't trying to start a fight. He's not lazy anyway, he has his brother to look after all the time.

Ven waves at him while Sora walks up the stairs to his room. Sora waves back, enters his room and begins his nightly ritual. He puts on his pajamas, brushes his teeth and combs his hair, then flops into bed for the night. No video games, no reading, just relaxing. He snatches his cell phone off of the table beside his bed and sees a text from Kairi.

'_Ice cream next weekend?'_

His response is short. _'Definitely!'_


	10. Chapter 10

Missing someone I care about deeply. One of these days...

* * *

His fingers hurt, and his hand is swollen, he can see. He's still bleeding a little, but he hasn't begun to bruise yet. It hurts, it hurts more than anything, but it's small compared to what Roxas has done to him before so he doesn't complain. Instead, Sora seeks out Axel, his boyfriend-but-not-completely, hoping for some comfort. He never goes to Riku and Kairi for these problems, because they do not give Sora the comfort that Axel can give.

But initially, he doesn't get much comfort. Axel cares for him, but he's stiff and doesn't loosen up even when Sora hisses after he sprays something on his cuts. Whatever is in the spray numbs him, so when Axel covers the cuts with bandaids, Sora doesn't feel pain from his friend applying them too tight. Axel doesn't say much even though Sora tries tempting him into conversation, so the air between them remains tense. Sora can only assume that he's the problem. When Axel finishes putting the last bandaid on him, he receives thanks before Sora says he's going home.

Axel grabs his arm before he can leave and tugs him back down to sit on the couch beside him. It's then that he finally relaxes, holds Sora's bandaged hand gently and counts the holes in what he assumes is rubber in his head. Sora leans back into the cushions, exhales and lets Axel hold his hand as long as he needs to. It's not long because Axel has things he wants to say, and he almost always says them when it involves Sora.

"I don't know what to do," he begins, his thumb passing over a bandaid-covered knuckle, "When he hurts you like this. I can clean you up and put bandaids on you, but that's not all you need." Axel looks frustrated, with Sora's situation and with himself, and it makes the younger one feel bad. He picks up his hand and places it on the one over his, pressing down on it. And he smiles.

"You don't have to give me more. This is enough." Sora lets himself lean against Axel's arm. "If it wasn't, I wouldn't come back here every time."

Axel allows him to lean; Sora is one of the few people he will allow to touch him, family not counting. It's a relief to hear that he's enough from Sora's mouth, but he still believes that he is not only what Sora needs. Sora needs to meet people who understand and can help him through Roxas' episode. People Sora can really relate to and learn from. What is he learning from Axel, medical tips and tricks? That won't do Sora much good in the future.

Later, while Sora is lying on the couch under Axel's black blanket, dozing while watching a movie, Axel stands. He listens to him as he stretches, groaning with the soreness of waking up muscles that were taking a break. Then he passes the lying boy, lets his fingers play with his bangs and then says, "Night, Sora."

Sora shifts and rolls onto his stomach to watch Axel. "Wait," he calls out quietly, "Can I sleep with you?" It's a question that can only be interpreted one other way, and Axel knows that right now, Sora is only asking for someone to share a bed with. Axel hesitates then agrees, and Sora jumps right off the couch and follows Axel up the stairs.

Axel's bed, despite having one occupant usually, is big enough for two people. Axel always sleeps on one side, so Sora crawls into the other. If they weren't so awkward, they might have cuddled, or at least thrown an arm around the other, but no. Sora is groggy enough that he falls asleep in a few minutes, leaving Axel the only one in the room awake. He listens to Sora breathe, snort in his sleep and sigh before his body shuts down for the night.

The next morning, Axel walks out of his bedroom to see Sora, hair still messed up from sleep, smiling at him from the stove. There are scrambled eggs in the pain in front of him.

If only Sora could graduate high school now, Axel whines in his head. Then he could spend his summer vacation before college with him instead of at home. How it should be.

How it will one day be.


	11. Chapter 11

I can't believe that despite not updating for a while, this story still gets hits! To be totally honest, this was only supposed to be a one-time thing; a way to get my feelings out, but it's turned into something I really love. I didn't know it was going to come so far. Thank you to all you readers out there, you all rock. :) Apologies for being late, college is eating me up and I have finals and final projects due soon. Flash's Actionscript is so frustrating sometimes, grrr!

And remember, sleep is a wonderful thing. Get lots of it! I know I am, right now!

* * *

Sora sandwiches Roxas between himself and Demyx as all three of them look through the window and into the water. Inside is a school of one species of fish, colorful and quick, swimming in circles. Roxas doesn't know anything except there are swimming animals behind the clear window, and he pokes his finger at the glass whenever one comes near. Demyx laughs and says, "Yeah, check it out!" and shows him sign language for "fish". Roxas repeats it lazily again when Demyx points at the fish and asks what they are.

While Demyx and Roxas watch the fish, Sora steps back to look at the sign. "Banggai Cardinalfish… Pacific Coral Reef. Feeds on plankton and crustaceans." He loves these signs for sharing information about fish he's never heard of, because then he can tell his friends all about the fish he saw at the aquarium. They don't care, to them fish are just fish, but to Sora, they're amazing. Beings suspended in space, able to breathe and free to swim wherever they want… What a life.

The next fish they look at is the Green Moray Eel, which Sora founds out is only green because of the mucus all over its body. Without that mucus, the sign tells him, it would be brown. How exciting, he thinks, to be born boring but able to change your appearance.

His eyes focus on his reflection in the glass instead of what's inside it. Beside his reflection is Roxas again, poking at the glass to get the eel's attention. On Roxas' other side is Demyx, jokingly telling him to stop bugging the poor thing. Roxas begins walking away, bored with the eel, and Demyx follows. When they leave, Sora frowns. There are so many things he could say about the way he looks that he couldn't possibly voice them all. His chest caves in on itself and he suddenly feels like crap, and he wants to go home but he only just got here. Roxas is having fun, too, and Demyx is enjoying himself.

Sora shakes his head and focuses on the eel again. The eel isn't looking at him, though he wishes it would so he could ask it to teach him how to secrete mucus. He stays a moment longer in case the eel takes interest in him, but it couldn't care less about the humans on the other side of the tank. Maybe being an eel isn't so great after all, people you don't know stare at you and talk about you like you're not there. Aquariums, even if they're kind to their animals, are still sad places.

When they pass the gift shop on the way to the dolphin show, Sora sees the best thing ever in the entire world. A sea turtle plush, large but not too big, and as realistic as a stuffed animal can get. It's so cute, it's so cool and he wants it so badly. Unfortunately, he has no money and would never think of asking Demyx for a stuffed animal, so he passes it up. He'll regret it later, probably, but it's better this way. Everyone gets to save money. And who knows, maybe in the future, he can get another, better sea turtle plush!

"How come they don't have sea turtles here?" Sora asks Demyx. "They have a bunch of sharks and a place where you can touch starfish and shells, but no sea turtles."

Demyx hums. "Well, it might be because a lot of sea turtles people find are usually hurt. And sea turtles are endangered, so they probably go to special centers made just for them."

"Where are they?" Sora immediately demands, eyes lit up with excitement. "I want to see the sea turtles!"

"Jeez, I didn't know you liked them so much!" Demyx teases him. Roxas makes a run for something, but Demyx has a tight hold on his hand and is able to jerk him back to his side. "I don't know, ask someone who works here and see if they know?"

Sora waits until they get to an information desk to ask about sea turtle centers, and is told that there are many down south. There are sea turtle hospitals, she says, where vets who specialize in sea turtles treat the reptile patients and let people in to visit the healthiest turtles. The girl at the desk tells him about one place in particular, with a large room all about different kinds of sea turtles that leads to the outside where live sea turtles swim in tanks kept clean by the workers. He says to her, "I want to go there," and she says, "Me too!"

Her name is Naminé, and her job in the aquarium is to work at information desks and answer all kinds of questions. She's in high school, too, the same year as Sora, but in a different school. He doesn't know how they get to personal subjects, but he mentions that he's there with his brother and his brother's babysitter. Naminé nods; her mother is a special education teacher, so while she has never experienced what it's like to be in Sora's shoes, she respects him. She understands.

By the end of the day, Sora has a girl's number, a bunch of pamphlets about marine life, sea turtles included, a generous Demyx willing to pay for his lunch and a laughing Roxas. It is a good day.


	12. Chapter 12

So sorry for the late update! After the semester ended, I needed time to unwind. Let's get rolling with this chapter already! I decided to go for some humor. Also, everything that happens in this chapter is 100% true, and I have scans of the ridiculous answers to prove it. If there are any high school students reading this fic, don't do what Sora and Riku do in here. Just because two people get away with it doesn't mean other people will!

Already brainstorming the next chapter, which will hopefully be longer. :)

* * *

"Shoot, I forgot to do the homework pages," Sora groans when he sees blank anatomy pages in his book. He looks up from his book to his friends sitting at the table. He singles out his best friend. "Riku, did you do them? Can I see the answers? I think I know the answer to this one, but—"

Riku opens his book to the pages. "Nah, I didn't do them either. Wanna do them now?"

"What a pain in the butt." Sora groans again, louder this time, and picks up his pencil. He doesn't have to look up all of the answers, but he has to look up enough that it's extremely time-consuming. Riku does the same thing across from him, and they talk things out and write down answers. As the break comes to an end, Sora is scribbling furiously in an answer line, and Riku is staring at a question in complete confusion. Their friends stand up and pack up their things, Kairi included, who tells them to hurry up or they'll be late.

"I don't know the answer!" Riku doesn't know what to do; it may only be homework, but it's an easy grade in the class. Sora is also at a loss, and sighs dramatically.

Then, it's like someone turned the switch in his brain on. His face lights up, and he looks Riku directly in the eye as he tells him exactly what they'll do.

"You ever noticed our teacher doesn't look at the pages when she checks them off?"

Kairi is still standing at the table. "Sora…?"

He grins. "Let's write random stuff as the answers and see if she'll check them!"

"Sora!" Kairi tries to scold him, but all she can do is laugh. She has to admit, it's a funny idea, and could totally get them through one day's homework grade. If they kept it up throughout the year, though, it could be a problem. Still, she wants to see if it works. "What are you writing?"

Sora is grinning again when he packs up most of his stuff, picks up his homework book and his pencil, and begins writing. "I'll show you later. Riku, get to work! You gotta make it long enough but not too long or she'll get suspicious."

Later, Sora seats himself in anatomy class, feeling anxious and unprepared. Riku sits in the seat beside him, and their mutual friend Tidus in the seat opposite Riku. Tidus opens his book , showing all of his questions written ever so messily. Sora hesitantly opens his, and Riku follows his example. Tidus knows something is up by the way Sora can't stop smiling, and the way Riku is trying not to smirk. The teacher walks up to their table, leaves checks on their homework pages, and passes to the next. In relief, Sora and Riku begin laughing.

"Okay, what's the deal?" Tidus leans forward, extremely confused, and narrows his eyes at the two. "What's so funny? I feel left out."

"Well…" Riku is interrupted by more laughter, and calms himself enough to speak quietly. "Sora thought we should try an experiment. We wrote stupid stuff in the lines to see if the teacher reads answers, and I guess not, cuz we still got checks."

Instantly, Tidus is grinning. "Let me see." Sora passes his book over first, and his friend reads it out loud. "Of what importance is the fact that there are fewer efferent than afferent lymphatics associated with lymph nodes? … Haven't shaved my pits in a month." Riku chuckles, Sora shoves his face in his arms to hide his laughter and Tidus can barely breathe. "Okay, okay, next one! What is the general function of lymph nodes? I trim my chest hairs. SORA!"

"I'm sorry!" There are tears in Sora and Tidus' eyes; neither can stop.

By the end of Riku's answers, the trio is practically dying. He answered the same questions Sora did, but differently. His answer to the first question was, "There is no importance other than the first one is spelled differently." His answer to the second question was, "The general function of the lymph nodes is to just sit in class and look like they're doing something." Classmates walk up, look at their answers and laugh all the way back to their seats. The teacher questions why everyone is giggling like hyenas, and someone says, "Inside joke!"

At the end of the day, Kairi reads their pages and shakes her head with a smile. What goofs her two friends are. When his book is returned to him, Sora wonders, can big one an inside joke get. After all, if he and Riku can get away with it, maybe the rest of his class can, too…


	13. Chapter 13

During a break between classes, in which students only have two to three minutes to get from one room to the next, Riku and Sora met in the hallway. As usual, their meeting was loud (thanks to Sora) and quick (thanks to Riku). Other boys and girls passed by them with books in their arms, chatting about ball games and magazine covers, and what to do over the weekend.

"Are we still going to the movies?" Riku asks his friend to be clear on what's going to happen after they get out of school. "What time are we meeting?" Sora isn't the type to make up complete plans, so Riku knows it's a good thing he's asking.

"Yeah, uh… How about seven?" It gives Sora a chance to get home, make sure Ven can watch Roxas when Demyx has to go home, before their parents get home. It's a good time in his mind. "Yeah, let's meet at seven. I'll tell Kairi when I see her later."

Riku nods and stores the time in his memory. "I guess we'll figure out what we're seeing when we get there."

"How did you know?"

They both laugh at this. As best friends, they know each other too well. Riku likes to think he knows plenty about Sora, possibly everything, all the way to what kind of socks he wears to school. In reality, he only knows what Sora lets him know.

"Okay," Riku says, realizing their short break is coming to an end, "I need to get to class. See you later." He raises his hand for a high five with a smile that twitches when Sora hides behind his arms.

Sora wasn't scared, he knew Riku wasn't going to hurt him, but he'd seen Roxas raise his hand so many times he'd come to expect violence. There is no logic to this action, he thinks, but there is. Sora continues to deny it, and says to himself, _'You're being silly.'_ He drops his arms and smiles up at Riku, and slaps the now floppy hand with his own.

"See you later!"

Riku watches as he walks away, unaware of Sora's pounding heart and sweating hands.

On the same day, when he takes his seat beside Kairi in class, she already has her notes out and a pencil ready. Sora rushes to get his out so he has time to chat with his friend before the teacher walks in.

"So Riku and I decided to meet at seven at the movies."

Kairi, who put her chin in her cupped hands, hums. "Seven? I think I can make that. What movie are we going to see?" She turns her head to Sora, who chuckles but doesn't answer her question. She looks confused for a moment, then figures out what he isn't telling her. "You didn't pick one out, did you?"

Sora shrugs, still grinning. "I didn't know what you guys wanted to see! If I picked a really bad comedy, you guys wouldn't go to the movies with me again. Or something with a really bad plot; you guys would make the theater ban me!"

They're laughing, like Riku and Sora were but not as familiar. "I would not!" Kairi says, then makes a fist with her hand and lightly hits Sora on the arm. He flinches, but not as much as he did when Riku moved too quickly, and keeps laughing. The teacher walks in and interrupts their small fight with a brief hello, writes down which students are present and dives right into the lesson.

As the teacher writes off equations and explains theorems, Sora writes them down. He listens to Kairi's pencil scratch against paper as she writes. He starts spacing out; his eyes lose focus, and his voluntary muscles stop. His thoughts are racing. _'Be tougher. They weren't gonna hurt you. You were fine!'_ The boy sets his pencil on his notebook so he can rub his face with both of his hands. It helps wake him up, and brings him back to the real world.

"Hey." Kairi nudges him with her arm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." He shakes his head, picks up his pencil and continues copying what's written on the board.

During the next week, when Sora visits Axel, it happens again. They're standing near each other in the kitchen, with Axel looking for things to help make lunch. Sora is talking about his escapades with Riku and Kairi, his hands all over the place while he's explaining how Kairi is doing something, when Axel moves. His arm waves by Sora's head as he's reaching for a drawer, and Sora jerks back and blocks what he thinks is coming with his arms.

"Whoa, Sora, what the hell?" Axel sounds annoyed, but is in actuality very confused and very concerned. "You look like I was going to hit you."

The brown-haired boy swallows and slowly drops his arms. "I think," he starts, and swallows again," I think I thought you were."

Sora can only look Axel in the eye for three seconds before he has to look away. The older boy sighs and leans against the kitchen counter, peering at his troubled little boyfriend/partner/whatever they were to each other. "Shit," he whispers to himself, and scratches the back of his head. He feels awful, knowing he scared Sora enough to _move away from him_. "You know I wasn't going to, right?" Sora's nod isn't very convincing; if anything, Sora seems to be trying to placate him so there isn't a fight.

"It's not your fault," Axel tells him, still keeping his distance. Judging by Sora's crossed arms, he doesn't want to be touched. "What happened to you really messed you up, you know?" He lets these words sink in before speaking more. "That's what happens when you're… You know… Abused."

Before Axel knows it, Sora is glaring at him. "I'm not being abused. It's not the same."

"I didn't mean—"

"It's not the same! I'm not being abused. Abusers know they're hurting people; Roxas doesn't! He doesn't know what to do with his feelings, so he gets violent. He can't help it!"

"You have a weird idea of what abuse really is, you know!"

Sora looks like he might cry. "I'm not being abused!"

And then he is crying, big tears he's been holding back for a while. "Crap, crap," he grumbles while he wipes his eyes. One should never cry in front of other people, it shows weakness.

Axel is quiet, his face blank, while Sora collects himself. When Sora's face is dry and he's not gasping for air, he looks up at Axel again. The first one to move is Sora, who walks forward to put his arms around the taller boy's waist. He apologizes into his shirt, and Axel's response is to hold him.

"I don't know how to help you," Axel says in a voice too small for such a tall body. "I don't know what to do."

"Me neither."

Years later, when Sora is older and depression hits him harder than ever, he works out with a therapist that, yes, what Roxas did to him was abuse; Sora was abused.


End file.
